Caveman Cookery

I have done the impossible. I have cooked snacks to be eaten by a roomful of strangers, with no gluten, no dairy, no meat and no garlic. I am princess of the ethically picky eaters.

I am a so-so cook. When you live with your family’s equivalents of Betty Crocker, Julia Child and Alton Brown, you don’t cook much. I’m not a bad cook by any means, but my skills are best applied to simple smashing, shaking and chopping. It’s caveman-level cookery.

Cucumber and Tomato Salad vinaigrette

Thai basil infused white vinegar (Or anything fancy)

Apple cider vinegar

Balsamic vinegar

Good, local honey (Mine was blackberry blossom honey, via the local mill)

Brown mustard (or any mustard, really)

Spanish paprika

Olive oil



Mix these in by this order, to taste. Shake hard.  Put them in a container with the tomatoes and a cucumber, all sliced.  Eat.


Take 1 can of chickpeas, and de-shell them somehow. I squished them slightly with a pastry mixer, and the shells popped right off. When all the shells are gone, mash with a potato masher or run through a food processor. Add lemon juice, salt, pepper, sriracha, paprika, soy sauce and whatever else you like in hummus. Transfer to dip bowl. Garnish poorly and spend 20 minutes sculpting the surface.

Slice up some celery as well, and some pita for the non-gluten folks. Adjust these recipes as you see fit.

All in all, you could probably do this in two hours in good conditions if you had to. I took more time than that, because I could and I like the smashing part.

Stay tuned for a post about the wonders of chickpeas.


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